Thursday, May 26, 2011

Summer slipped in while i was away. The sun is always shinning, the heat begins somewhere after noon and people are wearing shorts, riding bikes, milling about the main square. Its not the feverours consumption of outdoor cafes as it was in the spring, but rather more a cool indulgence in the realization there is no rush to engulf the warm sun or beat the evening chill home in the early hours of morning. It is slower now, with the sun relaxing your shoulders, the days seeming longer, there is time, summer always seem say, time to linger outside and close your eyes, the sun penetrating even that darkness.

For a while now, since I was here two years ago, returning to Zagreb always feels like returning to a home of sorts. Biking through streets you know well, the bustle of the square, the ability to make small talk with a shop keeper. Having loose ends, having conversations pick up where they ended, contemplating the hours spent in one particular cafe, unable to count they days because they only continue to pile onto each other. There is something so comforting in that, that I am afraid to leave. But as is the case with most things in my current life, once i leave zagreb I know it will never be again the Zagreb I have known.  But we continue to build these networks, and blankets, to wrap ourselves in, creating something so there is always a place to run, or at least a story to savor when there are no good stories being created in the mean time. Lately everyone has been asking me, will you move back, do you think you'd come back. I really believe we move in circles, hardly ever do we pass through, never to return. It is impossible to bring everything with us, and so we are always looking for the things we left behind, maybe wondering how to find them again, or how to forget them for good.